Saturday, 1 September 2012

Starting Over

This year has been abysmal, heartbreaking and difficult. In fact the only positive light I could see in the year so far is that Mojo came to live with us. Her and Bella are finally getting along which is fabulous, they adore one another. This year has challenged me, almost broken me and left me feeling empty and bereft. I lost my spiritual side somewhere along the way and recently I’ve come to realise just how disconnected I was from that part of myself.

I made the decision to finally clean my altar the other day; the layer of dust already on it was starting to get another one. Yes, I let my altar collect dust and didn’t make the effort to clean it, I couldn’t be bothered. I just walked past it as though it wasn’t even there. I started from the bottom and worked my way up, cleaning the shelves, re-organising, changing things around and putting them back in a new order. I finally got to the top, dusted everything and washed it. I actually took the time to care finally. When I went to put everything back on it, I realised I didn’t know what my path was anymore, I couldn’t see where it was or who I was. I had to think about it because my path is so devolved and stagnant that I needed to approach it differently this time. So I left it bare, except for those few essentials. Remaining is a representation of each element, my altar besom, wand and athame, and this is all that is going to remain until I can figure out where I will be going next, what twisted, winding road lies before me.



I wrote in my About Me page: “I am a Priestess of the Old Religion, a witch, herbalist and diviner. I am a High Priestess, Pagan Clergy and teacher. I am a garden witch, a herbal witch, a hedge witch, a wild witch – I run with the spirits of old and play in the garden of nature. I fly at night and commune with Others; I craft herbs and share their essence. I work with oils and salves, I craft wood and stone, I read from tarot and oracle to divine the future. I walk the path of a witch as well and as full as I can; learning more as I go and embracing the journey wherever it may lead me.” And this is who I want to be, this is who I feel I am and I will need to find her again.

I’ve spent the past couple of weeks re-thinking myself and my dreams and realising that in the process of trying to overdo I’ve let dreams go that meant a lot to me and I want to get the desire back to fulfill those dreams. I always let things get in my own way and I don’t take the time to really do what I want. I do the things I think I need to and while it gets done, it isn’t what I wanted or intended to start with. Those dreams are coming back and I can taste them, I just need to pull myself together and drive myself to do them. I have slowly been putting things together to get to this place, now I need to take that final step and begin moving forward knowing I can do it if I try. They say the power of positive thinking is key, although I don’t necessarily believe in that sentiment, I am walking forward with the spirit of the saying foremost in my mind. I can achieve what I want; I just need to make the effort to do so.

I also pulled out my tarot and oracle cards for the first time in months. I had no desire to work with them and it was like greeting an old friend I had thought lost to me. I had purchased the Wildwood Tarot a couple of months ago and never used it, it sat unshuffled and in its same condition in my tarot box. I finally got it out and worked with it a bit, the reading was nice, it answered my questions and I think I will be able to build a great working relationship with this deck. The others I shuffled and laid cards out, there was no real question in my mind more of a reacquainting myself with them. Divination oh how I’ve missed you!



I also made up a couple of things to sell on eBay, unfortunately dreams need money and that is something I am sorely lacking but hopefully I can get some cash together to get the things I want. I used to sell on eBay all the time but it got more costly, there was less profit. To be expected I suppose, I was small time compared to others. I am going to start selling again, small things, herbs and such to earn money. I eventually want to create my own products to sell, much like they do on Etsy. However to test the market, I was thinking of taking advantage of Uncle Fester’s new Open Marketplace. If it proves to be successful I would make on a larger scale and revamp my website to match this new handcrafted way.

I don’t think my blog is going to be the same as it was, some elements will remain but I think my new path will bring surprises and areas of knowledge I had previously not thought to explore. I am going to find the wild witch, the person who is as her About Me page states. I am going to get down and dirty and do.

It’s a long road in front of me, to find the Wild Witch within, to run with the spirits and play in the garden of nature. I look forward to the time where I am a cunning crafter, witch, seer and creatrix. I know the path is far and long, I know there is much to do before I can truly be where I want to be. The small things start now, re-evaluation, creation and discipline. So for now I walk baby steps and hope that the baby steps become strong, long and wise. I look through the thickened bracket and I can see the beginnings of a path, I can feel myself begin to pull toward this new road, this new adventure and I embrace it, I feel the connection, light though it is, and I want to know what lies beyond the hedge.

So I begin to walk with abated breath and anticipation of the journey ahead.

2 comments:

  1. Oh my dear,
    How your blogs speak to me...I too have had a really bad year, mainly in two areas - health & finances.
    I can understand how one loses their spiritual side....I have been a bit "lost" also and just recently have started to become more involved in my witchy side....I had even taken down my altar, and still haven't put it back up yet. I will, it's just as you said - Baby steps!!
    I hope you can rip down all the brambles and find your path once again.
    Find that Wild Witch and make her come out and play :o)

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  2. Thank you. It has been hard to try and get to a place that feels remotely peaceful and familiar but I am weeding those brambles and seeing what lies beyond. My altar will stay bare until I really know what path I am walking and I think for you, when something clicks, that altar will go back up but it is hard to really work with it when you can't see what lies in front.

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