It has been a time of contemplation, of going deep within myself and discovering myself, understanding myself and trying to understand my purpose (which is why I've been relatively quiet on my blogs). This was what the darker part of this year was for me. And I made some interesting discoveries about myself and the direction I want to take my life.
I’m a loner, I prefer my own company and I am unapologetic about it. I generally prefer not to be around people if I can avoid it, and although I am not an empath (at least I don’t think I am) I do get affected easily by others energy. I believe this has come because after a long bout with various illnesses a few years ago, my Self is more open. To this day, if I come into contact with some one who has a slight bug, I’m down for up to a month at a time. I don’t do people very well, I do want to start my own coven but this kind of interaction would not be a constant. I’ve never been the social type, and I will never be the social type; I prefer the company of my cats and books. It is probably why I prefer to study instead of having a proper job, people affect me too much.
As I mentioned, one direction I do want to take my life is to create a Circle or Coven, I’m not sure how to go about this as all attempts thus far have not been particularly successful but I have hope. This is important to me, because although I am admittedly anti-social at the best of times, I still want to meet others and build a working community of those who practice under the Pagan Umbrella. I like being a solitary witch, but I think on occasion it would be nice to be able to have a chat and do some workings with others of like mind.
I am passionate about my herbs and about my Craft and I want this to be my life’s work. I have this idea of being the Village Wisewoman, the person that – in times past – people would go to for remedies, herbal treatments as well as magical workings like spells, potions and readings. I feel as though this is my calling, this is where I am meant to be and who I am meant to be. It’s not going to be obviously the most financially prosperous option but I plan to supplement my income with online ventures. I would love to open a shop but I don’t know how well received that would be, especially since up this way most places are fairly religious minded. I have a dream to be this person, I’ve yet to fully realise how this could happen – I am in the early planning stages trying to figure out how to make my dreams work.
Life is short and I want to spend mine happy, doing what I love not being a slave to the system and working just for money. I’m blessed to have a very supportive family – this I know, so it will help because they support me in my dreams and ideas. I don’t know what I would do without them. I am most happy when working my Craft and working with my herbs and I can’t see myself going back to working for some one else (my health issues would likely impact my job prospects) but I have to make this work. I am working on recipes, tentatively, as a herbalist and as a witch – hopefully these two loves can be combined into a flourishing practice, I am confident in myself – I have to be otherwise I will let doubt creep in and I will fall at the first hurdle.
I am continually growing my herb supply; I am now trying harder to grow them myself. What other way could I do it?