I’ve always been one of those people who take their time making decisions. I’m a great procrastinator. I think and think and then think some more. Although I’m an Aries, I don’t tend to display the more forceful aspects of the Aries personality. I’m reserved, shy and I prefer not to be around a lot of people, I find it very draining and it often gives me a migraine – though I do enjoy the sarcasm and quick wit that is part of the Aries personality. Toss in some severe immune issues and I find solitary life is a better fit for me than something that requires a large amount of people contact. But it does limit job opportunities and it has forced me to truly confront what I would like out of life. What are my dreams? My hopes? What do I want to be doing with my life? What is important to me and how can I adapt that into a satisfying lifelong career? It took me some time, but I honestly think I’ve found where I want to be. What I want to be.
My dream is to be a wisewoman, witch and healer. To write my experiences, to share a charm, cast a spell, and consult the tarot or offer healing through herbs. There is a longing in my soul for a simple life of magic and healing, of growing herbs and being in nature. I am not desirous of clinical herbalism, I have this dream of being the type of herbalist that invites people into her kitchen for a cuppa and a chat. A herbalist who can whip up a remedy on the spot for the person to take home, I want to share the experience and have people connect with herbs on a greater scale.
I want the winding, whimsical herb garden home to butterflies, bees and faeries. I want a magical garden full of wonderous herbs and plants. I want to go to markets with my products and share the wisdom of herbs with people; I want to sell healing herbs for people to take home. I have this idea of having my table full of herbal remedies and alongside it, a selection of seedlings so people can go home and start their own herb garden. I’m not expecting it to be a wealthy lifestyle, at least not in the monetary sense. But I think I will feel wealthy and prosperous because my soul will be happy doing what I love.
I want to have a little herb nursery, only selling what I grow and encouraging people to embrace the quiet power that herbs have. I’ve not visions of a large nursery overflowing; it would not suit my lifestyle but a small nursery with happy plants calling for a home of their own; this I can manage. I’ve always wanted my own nursery; I’ve always liked the idea of being so intimately connected to plants. I’m studying horticulture in order to make this dream a reality – a successful one.
My witchcraft is also a big part of this life change I want to embrace. I want it to be as large a part as the herbalism because ultimately it is all tied together. I want to be able to cast charms and spells, create incenses and ointments, to do readings and continue to write articles, maybe have a book or two published. I want every day to be magical and every day to feel fulfilled and not empty. I want to be connected to the inner most parts of myself and answer the call buried so deep.
I want so much. I had thought perhaps too much. How does one even begin to create something like this? How does one begin to even wrap their mind around it? With small steps, very small steps, I’ve realized just when you think that luck has gone and your soul dreams have been abandoned, help can come from surprising places. Unexpected places. And sometimes when almost everything else seems lost there is a light if you just look ahead. I am soon going to be in the position where I just may be able to take small steps into making my dreams real and real in a way that works for me. I soon may be that herbalist who has some one at their table drinking a soothing cup of tea while learning to use herbs in the best way to help their health. I will be able to have my little herbal studio where the magic of potions and lotions can happen.
It is almost terrifying to think the things you want most can happen, especially when you are so used to feeling as though they are never going to be possible. Sometimes I feel as though I almost have to pinch myself to see. But for now it is a waiting game with quiet planning happening in the background. Little notes, research and the understanding of careful management is the idea of the day. So for now I wait and see, planning, hoping.