This is a post that had been percolating on my computer for a month or so, gathering dust, being re-written and edited several times - I just wasn't sure I had put everything into words that I was thinking. But for better or worse, here it is.
Life can throw you an interesting turn on occasion. Sometimes you find yourself starting out on a path not knowing what lies ahead - before you get to far down the path you realise shit just got real and there is more going on than you know. You look all around you and there are things waiting for you, demanding, asking, cajoling - wanting. It really becomes a question of whether or not you can keep walking that road; can you accept what lies down that road? Can you look to what is waiting and keep moving forward without fear? Can you accept that you are no longer a completely autonomous being, that others are making a claim on you? Can you walk the path of mystic and witch, knowing that if you accept what has happened and what is to come, life will change? Can you accept that your entire path may change – or if it doesn’t change – grow in ways that you had not anticipated nor expected? Can you get past the terrifying idea that you can no longer be so half assed and lackadaisical about practicing your Craft because those who have become known to you and claimed you will not allow it? Can you walk in this world and the next and not lose who you are?
These are questions I have found myself asking lately because there has been a rather dramatic shift in my path. Things have been happening that were – are – unexpected and have me questioning everything. The door has been thrown wide open and what is on the other side is no longer content to wait for me to make up my mind and take that last step. They’re now seeking my attention, they are now expecting things of me, I don’t know what those things are yet – and I’m not ashamed to say I am a little bit afraid of what lies ahead. It’s no secret I’ve always been a bit lazy about my Craft, I’ve written about it often enough but there’s been a shift this year for me, a slow build that has now kicked itself into overdrive. I have found myself the beacon of interest for two very interesting Others – and they are not polite, fluffy sorts. They are primal, ancient and as yet unnamed. They are very different from one another, they exist in different spaces and they each have made a claim on me. I am running scared because I now realise that what has passed for my being a witch up until now is no longer acceptable and I am going to have to wear the mantle of Green, truly walk the path I spoke of because they will have it no other way. In this world I was once a simple witch with a simple heart and a lazy attitude but from here that kind of attitude will not be acceptable.
From this I understand that I am required to make more effort, to actually put more into my Craft, my practice and learn, grow, change. I am standing on a precipice and all it would take is one shove – I can feel the fingers on my back already, an insistent nudge from those who require something of me. I imagine soon it will become a proper shove. I never quite realised when I started on this path, working with my wonderful mentors, that I would find myself challenged, changed, confronted and consequently choosing to walk roads that had often been too hard. I have learned that when those who choose to claim you, choose you as their student and initiate, hard becomes a very real part of your life; because of who they are they require absolute attention from you when they reach out to you. I promise one day I shall speak of them, but right now the relationship is new, I do not know them well nor they me however I have the feeling they see deeper into me than I do myself. Within me they have chosen to see something that is full of potential. It’s humbling if not somewhat terrifying.
Because of this, I have found myself leaning toward a more introspective path right now, taking time to explore what it all means and how it is going to impact what I do long term. I feel as though there is one final step before the parts of the whole are revealed and I need to be able to focus on taking that final step otherwise I shall never do it. And if I don’t I feel that I will miss out on something incredible. So as such, there has also been a downturn business-wise.
I have deleted my items for sale from my Facebook page and left only the readings and Wormwood kit in my Etsy store – it is all part of the changes I am feeling right now. I want to craft for the love of it, to do it when the mood moves me to and let my inner creativity forge something with hand or herb that is beautiful, powerful and honest. I haven’t been all that inspired lately, there have been some flashes of ideas, but for the most part I’ve not created anything new in months and it is because there is a plug somewhere that is blocking it all – whether that is my latest run of ill health or lack of motivation I don’t know. I am seeking inspiration again and as always, I look to my garden and the world around me – it’s speaking to me and sharing its ideas and spirit with me. I will still sell artisan handcrafted items – they’ll be listed as and when I make them.
I want to write more too. I have so many ideas for articles and blog posts but I never find the time to sit and write and this needs to change. I love writing, I’ve always been intensely passionate about it – the reason for originally starting this blog was as an outlet for the crazy ideas running around my mind. If you looked at the first couple of years of posting to now, you’d see there was a dramatic downshift in the amount of posts I was posting. I didn’t feel I had anything to say or anything to contribute to the wider world. I almost hamstrung myself because I had embraced that silent enemy of all writers – self doubt. Now I find that I want to write again – fiction, non fiction, blog posts – all of it. Perhaps this new journey, this new road will open up new possibilities, new ideas, new experiences to be written about.
Come the New Year, I think the Country Witch’s Cottage will have some big changes happening – what those are yet, I’m not entirely sure but I have a feeling it will begin unfolding soon and a better, brighter future awaits.