*I do apologise if this is rambly, I was struggling with a very persistent flu when I wrote it*
A couple of months ago I packed up my altar and put it away.
There I said it out loud, anxiety and imposter syndrome be damned…..
Mental health is still such a taboo topic and although we can talk about it more openly now, there is still stigma attached to it. It’s not surprising that a larger number of people are experiencing mental health issues; in Australia it is speculated that it is at least 1 in 5 people but I imagine that number in truth is probably larger simply because a lot of us tend to under-report or explain away what we’re feeling. Collectively as a society we’ve gone through enough worldwide disasters, epidemics, pandemics, wars and more in such a short space of time than previous generations that we’re all so incredibly tired and the mental/emotional exhaustion is real. It’s only been in the last twelve months that I have proactively taken steps to treat my own mental health issues – clinically diagnosed anxiety and depression (rated severe) with high stress. The causes for it are lifelong, some more impactful than others and there have been recent events in the past few years that have exacerbated my symptoms. While this post is about mental health and witchcraft I must state clearly that I am in no way a medical professional so this is solely my own experience and observations and should not be taken as fact or a substitution for seeking help or diagnosis for your own mental health.
I packed away my altar because I felt such a large disconnection from my spiritual self; my thoughts were very internalised and destructive with me experiencing a crisis of faith/belief. I felt as though any ability or gifts I had had completely deserted me. I felt as though any manifestations I tried didn’t come to pass and with that, I was a failure as a witch. Every time I looked at my altar I felt like I was a fraud so in the end I decided to pack it up because I couldn’t keep looking at it without it causing me a lot of anxiety. The ironic thing in all of it though, is that making products for my business or doing readings for other people – no problems, it appears from all feedback that it all works perfectly well for other people. But I internalised my thought process that I was the problem, the issue, the letdown, even when those around me would tell me differently. The thing with anxiety and depression is that each on its own is debilitating but together they are really exhausting. Living in a constant state of overwhelm makes you very tired, executive dysfunction becomes a very real thing and you feel stuck and unable to move or motivate yourself which is then followed by a stress fuelled bender to complete things if you have a deadline. This tends to also affect me on other levels – my physical health is not great (assisted by endometriosis and the random symptoms that can go hand in hand with that) and it leaves me feeling very empty energy wise. I wasn’t able to take anti-depressants to combat the depression because even taking half of the recommended dose left me feeling as though I was unable to function properly (while they didn’t work for me, it is always worth trying them if your doctor recommends them because they can and do work to help combat and manage symptoms but this is a discussion to be had with your mental health provider).
When you lose the one thing that was often your light, your path it can become a struggle to find a way back to it. Even though my feelings about it haven’t changed much, I know that prior to spiralling, my practice gave me a lot of comfort and it was a place that I could be creative and expressive. It was a place I felt safe and as though I was being productive and contributing something. I had to restructure my life and my goals to fit with my current mental and emotional health load, I had to sit with myself and realise that right now, I can’t do what I used to do. I had to learn to be okay with having days where I didn’t do much and redirect the thought patterns that often come with it – I would think that if I wasn’t productive the entire time I was awake, I was failing. The idea of taking rest days and not forcing myself to be productive was tantamount to scandal for me, I had to be busy because things had to be done and if they weren’t done then I failed myself and everyone else for that day. I’m starting to learn to be okay with just taking a day and not focusing on tasks that need to be completed; some days consist of me just playing some Xbox, reading, maybe doing mundane household chores and not focusing at all on anything witchcraft or business related.
It’s not been an easy path and I still struggle with it most days but within that, I still know that if I feel myself getting into a state of overwhelm, it’s perfectly okay to put it aside for the day and come back to it tomorrow. I still struggle with the internal dialogue that causes me to think that I should be able to do things and not doing them means I’m lazy, or incompetent or I should be able to do it because other people do. It takes effort to quiet that voice and know that I am none of those things because I take time to re-centre myself and work within my energetic capacity. In some ways I think that late stage capitalism (yes, irony is clear considering I run a business) has pushed us to think that we must always be productive, contributing, working otherwise we are not a worthy member of society – it’s a dangerous and debilitating system that we all live in and I just think if some changes could be made to be more supportive that we would find people could find a better way and heal.
When it comes to practicing spiritual work while working within a mental health context there are times it can be challenging because self doubt can creep in; as well as feeling time poor, stressed, tired and burned out but I have also come to realise that you can still practice your craft while working with your mental and emotional health. You may not have the energy for big works but there are still small things you can do that are a touchstone, a connection to your spiritual self. And you know what? If some days you really don’t have the energy for it, there is nothing wrong with that. You are not less of a witch because today or tomorrow or even all this week or month you couldn’t find the energy to do witchcraft.
With that said, if you feel like you still need to have some sort of touchstone to your practice, what kinds of things that can you do that are low energy but can keep you connected or practicing? Here are a few – these are of course my own opinion and obviously it will be different for everyone.
• Light an incense stick and take a few moments to meditate, say a little charm to add a boost and connect with the element of air
• Pull a card a day and focus in on what that could mean for you for that day
• Put a glass of water in your sacred space and invite spirit to partake
• Sit or stand outside with your feet on the grass and connect with earth and ground
• Bask in some sunlight (safely of course) and connect with fire energy
• Place your feet in a basin or bucket of water with some salt to purify your energy and connect with water/earth element
• As you stir your morning beverage, say a little charm or chant to add a little magic to it
• When you make your morning breakfast, charm or enchant it with some energy for the day
• Journal one or two things about your practice, your thoughts or even just random things
• During the full moon simply just gaze at her (you don’t even have to be outdoors)
• Grow a plant or two and water them each day as a connection to the natural world
• Clean or dust down your altar or sacred space
• Charm a piece of jewellery that you wear to give you a little magical boost during the day
• Sain or smoke cleanse your house or even just a room to move on stagnant energy
• Grab some oil or infused water and draw a protective symbol over your doors or windows
• Grab a book on witchcraft you’ve been wanting to read and read one chapter
• Write something you wish to achieve on a bay leaf and burn it while thinking on your intention
• If you work with crystals or gemstones, charge one with your intention and carry it on your person for the day
• If you are the one in your household who does the cooking, charm and enchant your cooking herbs as you add them to your dish
• Decorate a page in your grimoire or book of magic – you can do this by printing out interesting articles, pictures that you like, words of wisdom that resonate
These are just some small things that you can do (if able) to connect with Spirit and practice without it having to be intense or elaborate. Some mornings all I manage is drinking a cup of tea (English Breakfast is my favourite) and sitting outside on the back step while I give my cat supervised outside time (she’s not an outdoor cat, but I let her out in the sun supervised then she comes back in) and watch her bounce around in the grass, roll around on the cement and just cat. In of itself that can be magical; taking the small moments to simply enjoy what is in that moment rather than the bigger things. In this current world with all the crisis that we face daily, it can sometimes be the simple moments, the simple things that bring us joy and connection; I find that a lot of us just don’t have the energy anymore for the big things and that is okay. I have found myself connecting more with my interests that were witchcraft adjacent but not witchcraft and that helps – I’ve started creating herbal remedies again. A lifetime ago I got certified, the art of putting herbs together to create healing is a passion of mine that while not witchcraft, connects with my love of herbs and using herbs.
If you feel as though your mental health is preventing you from practicing your path, just take small steps and don’t beat yourself up if you’re not doing the big works, the lunar rituals, the Sabbat celebrations – all of that is not necessary to being a witch and whatever you can manage on that day, in that moment, is as a valid as the person casting massive rituals weekly. Be kind to yourself and know that your practice, your path is always going to be there waiting for you when you are ready to go back to it. You are still a witch or witchcraft practitioner whether you do something daily or not - that will never change because it is a part of who you are and you will find that you can be okay with that.
I hope this post has offered some comfort or advice or even just made you feel less lonely; it’s just my own reflections on where my head has been at for the past few years. My love to those, who like me, struggle each day with their mental health and sometimes find this world overwhelming, I see you, I hear you and I think you are brave.
If you find you are struggling with your mental health, please seek help where you can; Australia has some great resources such as Beyond Blue, but you can also see your own GP to work out a mental health plan best suited to helping you.
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